Falling down

I have become depressed and panicky.  I barely know the person I am anymore.  I am obsessed with my frustrations with Scott being manipulative.  I got in trouble at work because I was bringing up too much of my personal life. 

We went to counseling today. The counselor identified problems I need to work on are alcohol use and use of social media.  I had the Adi and Jaden write some letters about the things they want him to work on.  Jaden said his temper, his smoking, and not dressing up like a girl.  Adi said he needs to work on his temper and that he doesn't really listen.  The counselor said maybe the kids need to go to therapy.  I have noticed Jaden has been acting angry lately and Adi mostly stays in her room. 

Scott doesn't want to go to counseling.  He tried to get out of going today, but I threatened him that I'll divorce him if he doesn't show up.  Then he didn't want to go back.  He said he can't afford it.  He said if I take over the car payment and the insurance payment, then he'll go to counseling.  I said ok, but he was just bluffing anyway.  He won't put the car in my name because he enjoys holding it over my head.  He uses everything as a tool.  If he doesn't get what he wants, he threatens me to take it away.

I need to free myself from all of this.  I need to find a way to be calm again.  I need to start meditating more and going to yoga more.  The problem is that the more I ignore him, the more he annoys me purposely.

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